Competition is good sometimes, just not this kind

So this is something than has been on my mind a little bit lately. Have I articulated my thoughts as well as I could have, probably not, but I hope you guys will get my main point. :)

Philippians 2:3-4

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

       A little bit of competition is good every once and a while, except for when it is in your relationship and you and your significant other are competing to see who does more for each other. That kind of competition only brings many hurt feelings and plenty of frustration. When you put everything that you and your significant other do for each other or for the relationship, on a balancing scale, problems are going to arise. Chances are that if you are measuring amounts, things are going to be a little off balance. That's one of the biggest issues that Noah and I have to face in our relationship.

         Noah and I have the problem of comparing ourselves to each other. Many tears and arguments have come from us measuring how much we have contributed to this relationship and then deciding it was either way less than the other was providing, or way more. But is it really as off balance as it seems? I do not think so, I think this is a case where quality not quantity is important. It should not matter if you have a laundry list of things you think you have done for your significant other and your significant other's list is a little short of yours. If you have a list, then something is wrong with that picture because you are not being humble. You are not even supposed to make lists of things you do or that others do for you. I think what is of greater concern anyway is not how many acts of love you do, but the quality of those acts of love.

         Each person has a different ability and is capable of doing varying acts of love. Some of us can do more than others, for whatever reason. Maybe your significant other is more selfless than you are right now, so they can do more sacrificial acts than you can. If you do not have the same ability to be selfless is it really fair to judge and say that you are not as loving because you are not doing as much selfless acts as the other? I think that what is really important is the quality of what you are bringing to the table. Maybe your list is shorter, but did you put as much of your heart and effort as you could into what you did is more important if you ask me.

        

        Me and Noah are very different people so we have different things to offer each other. Noah has more wisdom in some areas, has been in previous relationships, is more selfless and more mature in a lot of areas. So it only makes sense that sometimes he can do a lot more for me than I can do for him. But the important thing is that we both put as much effort as we can into what we do give to each other. For instance, I have more time in the day to focus on him than he has to focus on me, but the amount does not matter, because I know that in the time he is able to give, he gives as much of his heart and mind as he can to the time he devotes to me. Or as in the case of Noah being much more of a thinker than I am. He is more capable of doing more thoughtful acts than I am, but he knows that my whole heart is in those thoughtful acts that I am able to come up with, even if the list of them is shorter than his.

        When I talked about this with Noah he said that quantity can show how much effort one has put into a relationship, which I do agree with in a sense. He brought up how God has given us everything which shows He has put so much effort into His relationship with us. While that is true, are we capable of giving as much as God does? No. We have different capabilities. I think that each person has different capabilities to love on another. We have varying levels of being selfless, sacrificial, thoughtful, nonjudgmental, caring, supportive, encouraging, and so on. Quantity shows some effort, yes, for you need to be doing some acts of love. But if you have this long list of things you have done for your significant other, and they are not very loving or heartfelt, is that really better than fewer, but very heartfelt things?

If you are going to focus on anything in this post, focus on this last paragraph. That's the easiest, most concise way I can really explain what I am trying to get at here. :) 

        If your significant other is not doing anything or is doing very little for you, then that probably is a cause for concern. You should be doing as much as you can for your significant other, if you are not, then you have a problem. But the point that I am trying to get to is that we should not be creating lists in our heads of how much we are doing for each other and how much is being done for us and then comparing the two. If you start doing that, all you are going to find is hurt, for that is neither loving nor humble. Instead of that, I say think about the quality. If your significant other is putting their whole heart into loving you and you are putting your whole heart into loving them, then it does not matter who's list is longer.

Matthew 23:12 "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."

God bless!

Gabs :)