Competition is good sometimes, just not this kind

So this is something than has been on my mind a little bit lately. Have I articulated my thoughts as well as I could have, probably not, but I hope you guys will get my main point. :)

Philippians 2:3-4

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

       A little bit of competition is good every once and a while, except for when it is in your relationship and you and your significant other are competing to see who does more for each other. That kind of competition only brings many hurt feelings and plenty of frustration. When you put everything that you and your significant other do for each other or for the relationship, on a balancing scale, problems are going to arise. Chances are that if you are measuring amounts, things are going to be a little off balance. That's one of the biggest issues that Noah and I have to face in our relationship.

         Noah and I have the problem of comparing ourselves to each other. Many tears and arguments have come from us measuring how much we have contributed to this relationship and then deciding it was either way less than the other was providing, or way more. But is it really as off balance as it seems? I do not think so, I think this is a case where quality not quantity is important. It should not matter if you have a laundry list of things you think you have done for your significant other and your significant other's list is a little short of yours. If you have a list, then something is wrong with that picture because you are not being humble. You are not even supposed to make lists of things you do or that others do for you. I think what is of greater concern anyway is not how many acts of love you do, but the quality of those acts of love.

         Each person has a different ability and is capable of doing varying acts of love. Some of us can do more than others, for whatever reason. Maybe your significant other is more selfless than you are right now, so they can do more sacrificial acts than you can. If you do not have the same ability to be selfless is it really fair to judge and say that you are not as loving because you are not doing as much selfless acts as the other? I think that what is really important is the quality of what you are bringing to the table. Maybe your list is shorter, but did you put as much of your heart and effort as you could into what you did is more important if you ask me.

        

        Me and Noah are very different people so we have different things to offer each other. Noah has more wisdom in some areas, has been in previous relationships, is more selfless and more mature in a lot of areas. So it only makes sense that sometimes he can do a lot more for me than I can do for him. But the important thing is that we both put as much effort as we can into what we do give to each other. For instance, I have more time in the day to focus on him than he has to focus on me, but the amount does not matter, because I know that in the time he is able to give, he gives as much of his heart and mind as he can to the time he devotes to me. Or as in the case of Noah being much more of a thinker than I am. He is more capable of doing more thoughtful acts than I am, but he knows that my whole heart is in those thoughtful acts that I am able to come up with, even if the list of them is shorter than his.

        When I talked about this with Noah he said that quantity can show how much effort one has put into a relationship, which I do agree with in a sense. He brought up how God has given us everything which shows He has put so much effort into His relationship with us. While that is true, are we capable of giving as much as God does? No. We have different capabilities. I think that each person has different capabilities to love on another. We have varying levels of being selfless, sacrificial, thoughtful, nonjudgmental, caring, supportive, encouraging, and so on. Quantity shows some effort, yes, for you need to be doing some acts of love. But if you have this long list of things you have done for your significant other, and they are not very loving or heartfelt, is that really better than fewer, but very heartfelt things?

If you are going to focus on anything in this post, focus on this last paragraph. That's the easiest, most concise way I can really explain what I am trying to get at here. :) 

        If your significant other is not doing anything or is doing very little for you, then that probably is a cause for concern. You should be doing as much as you can for your significant other, if you are not, then you have a problem. But the point that I am trying to get to is that we should not be creating lists in our heads of how much we are doing for each other and how much is being done for us and then comparing the two. If you start doing that, all you are going to find is hurt, for that is neither loving nor humble. Instead of that, I say think about the quality. If your significant other is putting their whole heart into loving you and you are putting your whole heart into loving them, then it does not matter who's list is longer.

Matthew 23:12 "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."

God bless!

Gabs :)

When God asks you to let go

You might have noticed that for the last few months there have not been any posts on here. If you have seen Facebook too you would have noticed that all of the romantic posts and cute pictures had stopped. Well the reason for that was because God called Noah and I into a period of just being friends.. God asked us to let go of each other, and let me tell you, that was the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life so far.

There just came a point in our relationship where we needed to grow a little more, a kind of growth that required us to be apart.We just got a little stagnant, knowing what we should do to have a healthy and godly relationship but not really following it up with the appropriate actions.Sometimes you can grow in certain areas together, other times God pulls you aside separately and says "Hey, we need to work on this one-on-one right now." That's what we needed, one-on-one time with God and God needed us to be away from each other to accomplish that.

It is easy to let go of something you care so much about? Absolutely not! When God calls you to give, is it easy to give up your time and money? It is easy to leave the job you love when God calls you to give it up and go someplace else? No. We don't like to let go of the things we have. I didn't want to let go of Noah. I didn't want to let go of our relationship, Noah and I were given the suggestion not to talk to each other and to spend time completely apart. I didn't want to give up my communication with him so instead I disobeyed his parents wishes which also didn't bring glory to God, and I continued trying to communicate with him every day. I wasn't fearing God like I should have been, and letting go completely when He told me to. Instead I was fearing my relationship with Noah, putting that on the pedestal, caring more about what happened with that instead of what was happening with my relationship with God. It took a long time before I finally let go completely like God wanted in the first place.

When God asks you to do something, you can do one of two things. Either do it like He said, when He said, or kind of beat around the bush and try to get around obeying Him. I learned the hard way that when you aren't obeying God, things are not going to work out in your favor. More damage than healing was done to our relationship because I would not give up Noah. When I finally let him go was when the healing and growth really began. When you stop fighting and playing tug-of-war with God, God can do so much more in your life. Not only that, but he rewards obedience. Just a mere week after finally obeying God, I got this great news that Noah was coming to visit and that we could start thinking about being back in a relationship. When you do the right thing, God does notice.

So I guess the thing I learned the last few months is just to be obedient to God, doing what He asks,when He asks, even if it hurts. God rewards obedience, He will not forget you if you are doing what He asks of you. And He will never lead you astray. If God asks you to let go of something, He has a plan and a reason for that, one that will be for your benefit. God doesn't punish us, He only gives us what we need to grow and succeed and prosper.

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

God Bless! :) -Gabs

Make God Numero Uno!

So about a month ago I got this fabulous idea to write this blog along with the wonderful man in my life, Noah. Well since then a lot has been going on, lots of busyness, tough times, learning, growth, and neither of us have really had the opportunity to really commit to this blog. But over the last few days we have both been learning something very crucial, so I wanted to make sure to make time to share.

Mark 17:28-30 " One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
²⁹ “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. ³⁰ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength."

The most crucial part of a relationship, is God. Ask yourself, where is God in your relationship? Is God number 1 in your heart, in your focus? Do you fear God? Do you seek to love, serve, and please God? Is God your first love? Is God the first one you turn to for comfort, guidance, love, and protection? Are your eyes fixed on God? Is God on the pedestal in your life?

For the last few weeks or even months or so, the answer to all of those questions were "no" for me and Noah. That had a huge effect on our relationship! Because we lost sight of God, things happened that we never imagined we would let happen, evil grew and grew in our hearts and minds, and we hurt each other in such terrible ways, creating wounds that will take so much time to heal. Our love for each other became shallow and dry and things just never seemed right. All of this happened because instead of making God number 1 in our lives, we gave each other that position.

Sometimes in a relationship you can get so caught up in things, and you start to think that what's best is to put each other as number 1 in your heart. You start to wake up each day thinking about how can you be the best girlfriend or boyfriend, how can you please your significant other, how can you serve them and make them happy. That's what starts to be on the forefront of your mind. It sounds great and like the right thing to do, right? Actually it doesn't always work out too good.

Over the last few weeks the phrase that's been most common in me and Noah's vocabulary, is "I just want to please you." That's what we have told each other nearly every day. What we focus so much of our time and energy on is pleasing each other. We set out each day to find out how to please each other. When we are successful, we feel good about ourselves, when we seem to fail, we feel hurt, inadequate, and worthless. The phrase "you don't please me enough" has caused so many scars on our self esteem. We have gone to so many extremes to please each other. That's what happens when your sole focus in your relationship is on each other. You experience a lot of hurt more than anything.

Over the last week me and Noah have realized that something isn't quite right in our relationship. So we have gone to God about it, and God opened our eyes in the last few days and has shown us the problem. The problem is, we don't put Him first!

God needs to be first! Always!  It is so important that your focus in on the One Above. Instead of trying to shape ourselves into perfect girlfriends and boyfriends, husbands and wives, we need to allow God to shape us into godly and holy men and women. We need to seek to please God, to serve Him, to love Him first. When we allow God to be our Master, to be number 1 in our lives, that's when things start to fall into place. When we are growing closer to God and are becoming godly men and women, that's when we can exhibit the fruits of the Spirit as Galatians 5:22-23 mention, or love as 1 Corinthians 13 shows us, those things which help our relationships to function and grow.

^"7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:7-12


God teaches us how to love in the right way. But if we are not focusing on His love for us, if we don't have our eyes on Him, then we miss out on that teaching. God is the one who will show us how to love each other right, how to be good girlfriends and boyfriends and then wives and husbands, but in order for Him to show us that, we need to turn to Him. God wants us to be loving. He wants us to love each other! But that right kind of love comes from Him. Inside we have fleshly sinful natures which keep us from truly being loving. Galatians 5 tells us that our flesh has the opposite character from what God wants. But when we aren't focusing on God, our flesh is what comes through, and that means that in your relationships, you aren't going to be as loving as you should. We need to walk in the Spirit, and that involves a close relationship with God, having Him as our focus. 


Always stop to check yourself and see where your heart is. Make sure that God is number 1 in your heart. When God is number 1, when we allow Him to work in us, show us what we need to do, help us grow and mature, that's when things fall into place, that's when your relationship can really blossom and grow into something beautiful! 


That's all for now folks! God Bless! :) 


Gabs :)

Learning to Lead: A Guy's Perspective

So typically, when you throw people together, there's always gonna be a pecking order, top dog/underdog, you name it. A leader arises. Could be good, could be bad. Frankly, it's kinda scary, and in today's culture, we really like keeping the playing field level...

Is this a good thing? I mean, if everyone gets to make every decision, it'd prevent an individual from not getting what he wants, needs, desires... It would be nice to just throw things out there and say that everyone should do what they want, make all the decisions... But this is contrary to human nature. Without leadership, and their followings, chaos would ensue. Nothing would get done. There isn't such a thing as a perfect democracy. The U.S. itself is a Republic-Democracy. We elect leaders to make the decisions for us. We have to trust that they will make the best choices for our country...

And therein lies the issue. Who makes for a good leader? This applies not only to nations, but to people, to relationships as well. First off, what makes for a good leader? Someone who is willing to place another's needs above his own. Looking at Matthew 20: 25-28, Jesus tells his disciples how a person should lead: 


"Jesus called them together and said, 'You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.'"

...The leadership lies upon my shoulders in this relationship. What I'm trying to share with you is how I'm trying to handle myself as a leader. I make the decisions, but with this privilege comes with responsibilities. I must serve those under me. At this time, I must serve my girlfriend and be attentive to her needs.


What else entails leadership? One of the things I have learned at a camp I attended through high school was how to be a leader. They showed me the essential "5 Pillars of Leadership". This is the basic stuff that every good leader should know and practice.

1. Meekness

What is meekness? Meekness is controlled power. We see this in people if they are patient and humble. Some view this as weakness. But it is not weakness. Being gentle allows for one to have much more power than some hothead running his mouth all the time. It's the power of persuasion. If you are meek, you will receive respect, and when you ask something of someone instead of telling them what to do, you will get a better response. "Ask and you shall receive." Meekness is a key component of being a leader.

2. Integrity

Integrity is the quality of being whole or undivided. As a leader, you must not be compromised. If you are, then your ability to lead will be hindered by your followers' views of you. Being unpredictable is dangereous, no one wants to risk having a leader who might back down from what they had promised before. It is frustrating, and it is a fast way to lose all of your following. Integrity is vital to any leader.

3. Vision

Vision is seeing God's presence, power, and plan, despite obstacles. As a leader, you can't go very far if you don't look to the One Above for the road ahead. You need to seek God and let Him reveal the stuff before you. You will be blind without His guidance, and bringing another person into a pit with you is the easiest and fastest way to have them resent you and disregard your skills as a leader. They'll find a way to dig themselves out of the pit, and won't trust you to lead them anymore.

4. Attitude

Attitude is infectious all the time. You can't go anywhere and not be affected by the "vibes" around you. Having a good attitude is important. Your followers will take up the same attitude as yourself. If you're indifferent towards him or her, they'll be the same towards you. If you are controlling and manipulative, it will become a game and they will do the same. Yes, your followers are their own person, but their general attitude will act like a mirror to view yourself and your attitude.

5. Empowerment

Leadership is a gift. Learn to give it away. You have to be loose with your reins of power. This isn't an excuse to lose responsibility, rather you must be appropriate in giving away the responsibilities in your possession. You grabbed the power in the first place, so you had better keep a hold onto it til it is the right time to let go. Be responsible. But also allow others to take on that responsibility for themselves when they're ready. Having immature followers is a recipe for getting nowhere fast. They'll only drag you down, until you let them grow some.

...Difficult sounding? Yes. But these are necessary. One last thing to remember about leadership, and this is far from being least important: 

"Leadership is manifested, not bestowed."

You can't sit around and expect leadership to fall into your lap. You have to be responsible and work at earning the ability to lead.

That's all I have for you today. God Bless!

-Noah

So what's with this blog?

Hello friends! :)

So yes that's right, Gabby has yet another blog, but this time it's different. This blog is something that me and my wonderful man, Noah, decided we were going to do together. :) Actually, it was an idea that I came up with last week, and he lovingly supported me and told me he would love to help me with it. :P :) But anyways this is a project we are doing together which I think is going to turn out awesome!

So what is it?

Well, this blog is both a documentation of the journey of our beautiful relationship and a way for us to share the things God has taught us, and will continue to teach us along the way. We look at it as kind of a ministry opportunity, sharing lessons with whoever may benefit from them. Let me give you a little background on why I came up with this idea.

Why blogging?


One of my favorite things to do is to talk to myself. I like to think out loud, and it usually ends up in me praying, so it can be a really neat devotional practice.  So anyways I like to think about just what is going on in my life and what God is doing in my life, and so about 2 years ago I decided I wanted to share some of my late night ramblings, so I created a blog. :) Fast forward to now, a lot of my late night rambling lately have been about my relationship with Noah, obviously, because that is one of the most important things going on in my life. :) I've been thinking about just how blessed me and Noah have been throughout the journey of our relationship and I've also been thinking about how much we've grown. Our relationship has been full of high points, and some lows too, but through all of it, God has taught us a lot! I can honestly say that over the last 10 months, I have grown more than at any other point in my life and I know Noah has grown so much too. So I really want to share all these things that we have been learning.

Why sharing these lessons?


Why do I want to share these relationship lessons? Well I feel like it is a stepping towards a ministry that me and Noah want to be involved with in the future. We both have a heart for working with young girls, and I want to work with them specifically when it comes to dealing with relationships and sexual sins, an area that I feel like has a lot of needs. From my perspective, this kind of ministry is really needed and I want to step up and have that kind of ministry in a church someday. In this blog, I will definitely touch on some issues that might be affecting some young girls, or even young women my age, because I want to share my knowledge with them. Not only do I want to reach out to young girls, I want to go a little beyond my ministry and just share things with young women who are in my situation, being young and in a serious relationship that's heading towards marriage. When you're young, wisdom from someone who knows where you are in life, can be helpful and encouraging, and that's what I want to be.

So me and Noah will be working together on posts on this blog. I think I will be the primary poster, but when Noah has things to share, he will certainly come on and post as well, I hope. :) I think it's great for girls to hear something from a godly man's perspective, also a relationship takes two, so I just couldn't do this blog without him. :) Besides, he has some amazingly good insight. :) He's really the thinker in this relationship. Anyways well I hope that you, reader, will find something of value as you following along on our journey!

Ta ta for now!

Gabby :)